Skunk Attack!

     On one of the coldest days of the year “Puppy” did the unthinkable to me again!  Per our usual routine, I get dressed for the cold, go out to the garage and fill up a bucket with sweet feed for the cows.  Puppy races out of the garage and heads for the tall grass in the pasture as I walk along the fence  line scattering the feed.  I notice the cows are not coming through the gate opening to eat.  Strange.  They are usually running over each other to get to the sweet stuff!  Hmmm maybe it’s because puppy is out in the pasture with them.  Nope that can’t be it, they usually just run at puppy to make her go back on the “safe” side of the fence with me.

     As I turn around to see where the dog is, she begins to bark excitedly.  Oh HELL NO!  Puppy is standing nose to nose with a skunk and barking into it’s face.  I start running for the fence yelling “NO” at puppy and slapping the bucket to scare off the skunk.  The skunk must have been in a “roid rage” because it chases after puppy.  Puppy continues to bark and runs around the skunk in ever-widening circles.  It’s all fun and games for the silly dog until the skunk lets loose with the ever popular scent.  YIKES!  Puppy catches the scent in the face, she quickly drops to the ground rolling around, shoveling the ground with her snout like she’s part gopher.

     Meanwhile, the emboldened skunk has discovered a new target…ME!  As I stand gawping at the unfolding scene, the damn thing runs across the pasture and through the fence on a direct line to me.  I finally realize I’m going to get hosed if I don’t move really fast.  I turn to run towards the rock wall fence around the front of the house.  The skunk can’t jump a three foot fence….right?  Yeah…well…apparently neither can I.  Just like in some silly “B” movie, the stupid girl runs a few steps and….falls in a gopher hole.  Puppy finally can see well enough to try and run interference for me.  She runs in front of the skunk and….we BOTH get hosed!  $onofabiatch!!  Fortunately, I was at least smart enough to have my back to the situation (I was still trying to get back up on my feet) but the smell was still overpowering enough to make me start gagging.

     I guess puppy decided since she had been sprayed twice already, playtime was now over.  While I crawled away on my hands and knees retching, puppy caught the skunk and broke it’s neck.  You can see her in the picture surveying her handiwork.  I finally get over the retching, get up, and in 30 degree weather begin stripping off clothes to put in the burn barrel.  I don’t care which neighbor may see this, I just have to get rid of the stench!  Puppy timidly follows behind me, knowing full well a BATH will be next.  She hates being bathed, but she doesn’t hate it enough to leave the skunks alone!

     I grab the leash hanging in the garage and lasso puppy before she can escape.  Kicking off my boots at the door, dragging puppy through the kitchen in my underwear, mom doesn’t even have to ask what happened.  The smell arrived before we did.   I get puppy into the shower with me and repeatedly soap and rinse us both.  We were in the shower for over an hour.  As I was scrubbing us both down, mom came in and insisted on hearing this story.  She had to leave the room to contain her laughter.  I yelled out to her that since this was supposedly HER dog, why in the hell do I always get stuck cleaning her up after she catches a skunk.  Of course, this time I had to clean BOTH of us.  So now we are all in different parts of the house not talking, puppy because she got a bath, mom trying to hide her hyena laughter, and me writing this and swearing I STILL smell skunk!  And as if that isn’t enough, even I know that the skunk didn’t behave normally.  They rarely chase after people….unless they’re rabid!  How fitting would it be to have a tombstone that reads simply, “She was Rabid!”

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